I’ve been noticing a hidden danger as we all process and adapt to current circumstances.  I first noticed how closely my present feelings resemble those of past grief and losses.  I know those feelings all too well!  I believe it feels so similar because it’s true, we actually are grieving our old way of being and doing, and are experiencing real loss, along with the uncertainty of not knowing how it will all play out or how we will move forward.

We have no control over what has been taken from us, which means we can easily get stuck and create a comfortable nest of safety.  That’s a natural response, and our brain’s way of protecting ourselves and avoiding pain.

However, long periods in this place create isolation and a sense of permanence and take us farther and farther away from reengaging healthy habits and living a whole and happy life, as changed as it might be.  The reality is, that place of safety doesn’t let go that easy.

We begin to create a sense of permanence, that this is how it will always be, because we always want to feel safe and we fear more change.  But being safe is never a permanent state.  And it is a place where the truth and perspective fade and lack of hope grows.

When our lives are put on hold and whirling in chaos for too long, we lose the ability to maintain perspective, and it begins to become a complicated grief that loops in our brain, eventually creating a deeper and deeper permanent pathway in our brain. 

Out of survival, we begin to create a self-identify with it all and it infiltrates our personality, relationships, and lifestyle.

I want to encourage all of us to not accept this mindset of permanence and not to allow lack of hope to perpetuate our state of grief. 

Let’s talk about how we’re really feeling, and turn all the energy of coping, surviving and being stuck back to even the smallest of life activities that have been taken from us.  Just as it is in grief, it’s normal for us to become accustomed to not caring about the mundane or taking care of ourselves.

The truth is, not acknowledging our feelings and cocooning is different than taking the wise precautions we’re being forced to.  Even amidst the struggle we don’t have to allow the uncomfortable intrusions that have forced changes to become new life habits.  Habits become permanent.  And I don’t know about you, I don’t want where I’m at right now to become permanent.

But that’s how we’re wired.  The easiest way to not become mired is to shift our minds from this path of no hope to whatever it is in your life you are able to control.  Any little thing.  Put your mental energy into whatever you can control, like whether you do your laundry or not; you can control the foods you eat (which never loses importance no matter what is going on); you can control who you talk to on the phone; whether you give time to something you love.  Spruce up and brighten your home!

This grief process is normal, but it’s time to live the best life we can no matter what!  We don’t have to live here forever!  Break the monotony by taking steps to incorporate all the healthy habits and routines you had before as possible.  

Don’t stay on the merry-go-round or you might not be able to get off!

I would love to hear your thoughts!!  RuthieLewis@cox.net

Living with hope outside of permanence,

Ruthie

As many of you know, I had a fabulous retreat planned for the end of May.  It of course is no surprise that it has had to be postponed.  The new dates will likely be in September, but I believe all of us will have more reason than ever, and in fact will be SO READY to retreat, learn the truth about grief and heal.

Here is the link to check out the retreat but the May dates will be changed.

https://ruthielewis.com/igniting-vibrancy-after-loss-and-heartbreak/   
Stay tuned for updates!